Have you listened carefully to the words you use when you talk to yourself or when you talk about yourself to others? Most people have to answer “no.” However, the words you use reflect your thinking – and sometimes even form your self-image. If you talk negatively about yourself, you have probably formed habitual thought patterns that could be getting in your way.
Not long ago I talked with a man who was in the process of changing his career direction. He told me that he had a lot of difficulty determining which areas he wanted to explore as long as he said, “I just don’t know what I want to do.” But when he began to say (and think) “I’m open to new ideas about my career direction,” ideas and directions began to emerge. The changes were quite subtle, but the quality of his quest for work he would love greatly increased. “Changing my words changed my experience,” he said.
The words “I don’t know” reinforce a sense of helplessness or lack of commitment, but saying “I’m open to new ideas” is an affirmation that new possibilities exist and that the speaker has an open mind to receive and explore them.
Statements like “I don’t know,” “I can’t,” or “I’m really bad at…” are not only restrictive, they tend to take on a life of their own. There’s a big difference between recognizing that we aren’t especially gifted in a particular area and announcing to ourselves and others that the skill is beyond us.
In our work at Lansky Career Consultants, we often hear self-defeating statements from people who have come to us for a new direction. Sometimes they give us all kinds of reasons why the career they say they want is out of reach. “I’d like to work in public relations,” Marianne said, “but I’m not good at writing,” immediately eliminating that field from consideration. After a few sessions, however, it became apparent that she was afraid to commit to any field. There was always some skill involved that she said she couldn’t master.
It took several more sessions for Marianne to look at the blocks she had created. She was able to uncover those self-imposed obstacles because she was willing to look at her negative self-talk. Ultimately, she accepted an entry-level job in a small public relations firm that was impressed with her telephone skills. Even more important, she signed up for a business writing course to improve her writing ability. Her new self-talk is: “Writing doesn’t come easily to me yet, but it is something I can work on and steadily improve.”
Begin listening to the words you use to describe yourself and your skills. Hear the blocks that you create and reinforce with your language. Remember, words have power and positive concepts can take on an identity, too.
